Time For a National Discussion on Mental Health

I've been watching the news a bit over the past week.  I'm trying not to immerse myself into it. I can't imagine that would be a good thing.  It seems the discourse has quickly moved to gun control. While I am no fan of guns and do feel it's an important discussion to have I do hope that the discussion on the current state of mental health care can continue.

I've heard everything from the man who shot 26 people and his mother last Friday in Connecticut was Autistic to completely normal, but shy to his mother was trying to get him involuntarily committed to a mental hospital.  It will be a while before we know all the events that led to the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  And we can second guess and point fingers, but unless we take real action we are unlikely to get anywhere.

For those who may not remember or have read all my posts my mother suffers from schizoaffective disorder bipolar type.  She has been mentally ill for as long as I can remember, but only started receiving regular treatment for it in the past 11 years.  It's been a real challenge to get her help.  As a family we have felt that our hands are tied because she has the right to live anyway she wishes until something happens. In 2010 that something finally happened when she attempted to abduct 4 children from a bus stop on two different occasions.   The neighbor called me asking me to do something about it.  I had to make the heartbreaking decision to have him call the police.  And for the rest of my life I will wonder what emotional harm those kids may have from the incident.  What I hate more is that I could do nothing to prevent it, but I knew that something was going to happen eventually.  When my mother started becoming preoccupied again with the children and wanting to try and "save" them again we had a hard time convincing CCSB Emergency Services to intervene.  Despite her history they wanted to wait until she actually hurt someone.  It took hours, a trip to the Magistrate and later a trip to the ER when the hold period waiting for TDO placement ran out before we could have her placed in a facility.  During that hospitalization she was declared incapacitated which opened the door for us to file for Guardianship.  A month later I was standing in front of a judge asking him to take away her right to vote, drive a car, have access to her money or make personal and medical decisions for herself.

I've been glorified and vilified for working to help my mom.  I've been told how great it is I'm helping her at the same time I'm being told that there's nothing anyone can do to help her.  I've faced stigma just for sharing a blood line with her.  I've been told by my elected officials to keep up the good work, but they aren't going to help. I've been told I'm a horrible person for trying to help her and not focusing more on everyone else.  I've been asked why we weren't doing more.

The truth is in this country mental health care is elusive.  There aren't enough providers, aren't enough psyche hospital beds and there isn't enough money to keep everything going.  Plus because of privacy concerns the sector tends to function without oversight so quality suffers.

An NBC Nightly News report tonight highlights one of the biggest barriers my mom faced in getting care.  We fall firmly in the middle class who is a forgotten sector of the mental health field.  The very poor can receive help and the very rich can afford their own help.  Those in the middle get virtually nothing.  My mother had a house with no mortgage and alimony, but it was only enough to pay for the basics and 6 hours a week of time with an aide.  But she was considered well off.  She couldn't live with family since we have children to worry about, but couldn't live on her own.  We found the cheapest ALF we could find that would accept her and struggled to pay bills on time.

If you try and spend some time bringing mental health issues to the attention of the public you are scorned for "violating privacy" for the person you are trying to help.  "Violating privacy" is more code word for "I want to pretend this isn't happening so don't tell me about it so I can keep my blinders on."  This mother has been vilified for talking about her son's mental health issues.  But this discussion has to happen for things to improve.  In Virginia we have a Senator and Senator-elect who worked very hard to cut funds from mental health care.  The Senator-elect even cut funds (during his term as Governor) even while crying with the families of victims of the VA Tech shooting.

The time for treating people who suffer from mental illness or substance abuse like this reporter should end.  We are all worth receiving the help we need and having our voices heard.

We need help and those of us who are doing all we can to help loved ones who are dealing with mental illness can't do it alone.  I can't scream loud enough to make things better.  I need you all to amplify my voice and the voices of others who are dealing with mental illness directly or indirectly to make a difference. We need you all to care.

School Shooting Tragedy: Could it have been prevented?

Today a gunman entered a elementary school in Connecticut and killed nearly 30 people, most of them children.  It is a horrible tragedy.  I can only imagine the emotional scars of the survivors and the pain of the family members left behind.  It's something we never want to see happen.

In the following days I'm sure we'll be hearing lots of details, but I'm concerned where the conversations will go.  It's natural for us as a nation to find someone or something to blame.  Unfortunately answers aren't so simple.  The shooter has been identified as a young man with a history of mental illness.  While very few who suffer from mental illness become violent I worry about watching a nation start to question why someone didn't do something to stop him.

The reality is that not all people will show signs before they act.  Mental illness is a fickle sickness to predict. It isn't linear, and no matter how much we want to we can't apply our own version of logic to an illogical circumstance.

Regardless of your opinions of what should have happened I hope that you will let your elected officials know.  The fact is that mental health care services are few and underfunded.  Even for those with great health insurance there isn't enough help to go around.  And often times even if you can see someone needs help and you do everything you can help doesn't come.  I've had to fight to help my mother get the help she needed, but it's always an uphill battle.

My prayers are will those affected by the shooting and I hope that we can all work together to make our world a safer place.  Whether we need gun control, better mental health services, better security at schools or all three I hope we can all make our voices heard.

Update On Mom's Health Dec 2012

After a very difficult summer I'm happy to say my  mom is healthier than she's been in a while.  Her up days are more "up" and her down days are less frequent.  I'm able to occasionally have coherent adult conversations with her.  The tremors haven't gone away and can be worse at different times of the day.  She is unfortunately on a cycle of a urinary tract infection about once a month.  We are pushing liquids more for her, but she's unwilling to ask the staff at her ALF for help in opening water bottles so I'm not sure what to do.  I can't be there every day to make sure she drinks.  Her doctor didn't want to give her something to prevent the UTI's, because he was concerned about immunosuppression.   So for now we'll push fluids and hope for the best.  At least now her primary care physician allows me to call in and report her symptoms and he calls in antibiotics so I don't have to drag her into the office every time we see symptoms.

For those who may not know or remember UTIs in older adults, especially women, can cause confusion, lethargy and a general decline in mental ability.  Unfortunately the mental decline due to her schizoaffective disorder and the permanent Tardive Dyskinesia caused by Haldol also contribute issues with hygiene that fuel the infections.

For now she's been out of the hospital longer than she has in the last several years and I feel her psychiatrist has finally found a medication combo that is helping her.  She sees a neurologist in January who may be able to help get more control over the tremors.  That isn't without risk and I'm hoping that doesn't land her in a psyche ward while we try out medication changes.  I really wish there were more options for outpatient help during times like these.  Funding for such programs were cut years ago.

For me, I'm still working on the house sale, but things are slowing down a bit.  I decided to turn to advocacy, but as I've found you have to be careful who you turn to.  I found out about a group that advocates for elderly psyche patients.  Well, they say they advocate.  I told my mother's psychiatrist I was going and he scoffed and said he used to go, but the group only managed to get gero psyche beds reduced so they aren't very effective advocates.  I was told to come and briefly plead my case to them only to find them apathetic and definitely not interested in improving things.  The rumor of more beds at a particular psyche hospital couldn't be confirmed by those in attendance who work at the facility in question.  When I attempted to discuss my concerns I was cut off and told to talk about it in private.  I was invited to talk about these concerns so I was very irritated that they couldn't take time to listen to the issues I was bringing up.

So I'm trying other avenues, but am feeling like change in the Virginia mental health system is a pipe dream.  If anyone cared the wheels would be turning.  Right now they are rusted shut.

On another note, my doctor has told me he feels I have a mild depression going on.  Not really a surprise with everything happening over the past few years.  I'm wondering if there's even been a time in my life where I haven't been at least a little bit in a depressive state.  I've been ordered to take time for myself.  I'm trying, but it's hard.  The first thing on my list is to try to let go of the guilt of not being able to do more to make things better for my mom and others dealing with mental illness.  It's not a battle that many people feel is worth fighting and without homing beacons I don't think I can find enough people who want to help to make a difference.

I'm going to go eat some chocolate and read a cheesy novel.  I think I'll make more progress that way.

Fun With Real Estate

One of the best parts of being a Conservator for an Incapacitated Adult is dealing with the liquidation of property.  No matter how you do it no one is happy and will blame you for what goes wrong and ignore what actually goes right.  And in the end I'm guaranteed to be exhausted and people will wonder why I'm not dancing in the street.  Although I might find some energy to do that for a couple of minutes.  That's in between settling all the outstanding accounts, paying back family loans, and researching secure investment opportunities.

Right now the house sale is pending, but we seem to be hitting snag after snag.  For those of you going through this I'm shedding a few tears for you.  It sucks!  It would be one thing if my mom was no longer here and this were my inheritance we were talking about.  I'd have 4 siblings with equal interest in the proceedings and I could just refuse to do the work, but since the money from the house sale will pay for my mother's medical needs for hopefully the next 5 years it's important to get it done.  She doesn't have the money to pay for her ALF right now and is living on a pittance of Social Security and loans from family members.

So, since there is no money I felt it was necessary to take a contract from a company who flips houses.  It was the highest of two offers. The house is worth more, but I can't seem to convince anyone of that.  This sale requires court approval so I had to gather all the information needed for the Commissioner of Accounts (he has to approve the sale) and write a letter about who the potential heirs are (ha, money left over.  That's funny!) and if there's a will and how much money she has.  After submitting it I got almost daily calls/emails asking me to bug the Commissioner about approving the sale.  Yeah, I have to deal with this guy for at least the next 5 years.  I really don't want to pester him so much he makes my life harder than it already is. He approved the sale 4 weeks before closing and we've been waiting for the closing date to be done with the whole process.

Well yesterday it turns out the company buying it isn't really the company buying it.  The buyer planned to assign it to another company (um, why not buy it in the other company's name then?) so I'm being told I need to resubmit the paperwork because as the closing lawyer said the report to the court was "poorly written."  I suggest he say that to the Commissioner's face and let me watch what happens.  It would make a great YouTube video for sure.  So, I'm facing another round of paperwork and possibly another fee that I'm not paying since a) there's no money and b) I didn't make the mistake.

To me it sounds like they are actually doing something on the shady side.  I've told my agent to work it out.  After all, I'm the only one in this process who doesn't get to draw a paycheck at the end.

So, if this snag doesn't get resolved closing will be pushed back until January sometime.  God, I hate that house.

And if that isn't enough two cities are arguing over who receives my guardianship reports.  State rules are clear on the point, it just seems like very few actually read the rules.  Considering 3 cities can't decide where her residency is I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Anybody know where I can get some Calgon?