For those of you who do not know, I have two children who are considered special needs. My son has a great deal of difficulty with communication and social skills. My daughter has more medical issues related to a birth defect, sinus, and hearing issues. Both of my kids are wonderfully smart, as all kids are, but they work harder than most just to keep up.
I've ended up exhausting all of what I can find in the community to help with pragmatic communication skills and I'm left to figure out what I can think of that will help. So with Google on my side and a Communications degree under my belt I've found a few things that have helped my son that I'd love to pass on to others.
Internal Voice
Have you ever noticed when you read you hear your voice speaking the words in your head? I remember when I finally figured it out it helped me understand what I read so much more. I was probably around 6 or 8 years old, but I remember the shift. Most people I've talked to can't figure out how they did it. It just happens, and a few of the adults I know have never developed it. They have to read out loud to understand the text. When my son's LCSW mentioned she didn't think he had an internal voice and it was affecting his reading grade I set out to find a way to teach him how to develop an internal voice.
It all started with some flashcards that I had of sight words. The first time he reminded me of Brick from the show "The Middle." He would read the word and when I told him to say it in his head he would whisper the word again. It took a week of every few days pulling out the cards and asking him to practice (in the car, before bed, a few minutes in the morning) for 5 minutes or less each time for him to get the hang of it. He caught on quickly and after a few weeks we graduated to short books. A few months later he had it down pat.
Getting to the point
My son tends to talk in novels when a paragraph would do. This has been especially difficult in school when he's been bullied or something happened and he's asked to explain. He can't easily do this and a busy teacher or administrator isn't going to take the time to figure it all out. Add being upset to the mix and even the most succinct speakers struggle. So we've tried this program based on the rules of journalism to bring things down to paragraph size.
When he comes to me telling me a story from the beginning of time, I ask him to clarify for me at the start: what is the purpose of what you are telling me? They fall into one of these categories
Do you want me to do something?
Do you want me to just listen? (uber important!)
Do you want me to help you think of solutions?
There can be other categories like "I want to socialize," "I want to tell you about my day," but generally when we are culling down a novel to a paragraph we have an issue to resolve.
From there I go to the tried and true 5Ws and an H. They are also known as: Who, What, When, Where, Why and How.
You can put them in any order, but I try to put them in an order that asks for smaller details first.
Who are you having a problem with?
When did it happen?
What were you doing at the time/What did you do when it happened?
How did it happen?
Where did it happen/what class?
Why was there a problem?
This helps with organizing thoughts. It isn't perfect, but it is a start. If you find this doesn't work, try coming up with a list of organizing questions that seem to fit your child's situation best.
Happy communicating!
