It has been an exceedingly rough week for me. I have the pressures of everything with my mom, but this week was a reminder that my kids need me too.
My daughter has been struggling with her teacher this year and it became obvious very quickly there was no way she could stay in this teacher's classroom. I felt I was unable to communicate with this teacher in any way. It left me feeling like I should return my diploma for my communications degree. My daughter was so stressed her behavior became erratic and she refused to do just about anything asked of her. Finally she was moved into another classroom today and so far seems to be happy and relaxed again.
My son thankfully, is doing great in the 4th grade and he has a teacher who really seems to get him (she loves that he loves to give you the play by play of his favorite show). After such a rough year last year for him this much needed for all of us, especially him.
I was thankful I had the time this week to help my children. I feel like with my mother's illness they often get only small strips of me, when they really deserve whole chunks.
So today, after making sure my daughter was comfortable in her classroom I had to turn my attention back to my mother. She had a dentist appointment today to restore her tooth and prep it for the temporary crown. You may remember she had a root canal last week. She did great for both appointments, but this morning she was acting strange. She was telling me about how there were motors in the beds that flip you out in the middle of the night and that a guy who lives upstairs (still an all female facility) died because he became trapped in the bed. And she went on and on about how her psychiatrist was having the med techs overdose her so she would die and that the housekeeper was saying her room was filthy and if my mother didn't clean it up she would be evicted and then the housekeeper could have her room. Her room was pretty much immaculate when I was there. Okay I think maybe the comb had a strand of hair stuck in it. And she had an incident a week ago where she fell out of bed and they weren't really sure what happened. I found the med tech today who helped mom and she said she fell in between the wall and the bed and got stuck, but the bed is now pushed against the wall and that should solve the problem.
So in true tag team style I texted my sister while I was in the waiting room during mom's time at the dentist to please call the doctor and I described the delusions to her. Her next appointment wasn't for two weeks so it couldn't wait that long. She called and doctor decided to increase the dose and sent a fax to the assisted living. Of course he didn't sign it or make it clear so the facility refused to honor it and we ended in a circle of faxes and voice mails again. Things didn't happen so her dose won't be increased until Monday at the earliest. Are you as annoyed as I am right now?
So I decided to clean up my mom's nails while I was there and had time and she couldn't stop talking about how she was going to die if her meds were increased and that the bed was going to crush her. I assured her the bed would not hurt her, but she got angrier and angrier. She said I was going to be very sorry when she died and then she said "I hope they come and butcher you." Now my mind went to assuming "butcher" was a metaphor for taking me to court for elder abuse, throwing me in jail or something so I simply said, "well, yes if I screw up the court will hold me accountable and I could end up in jail." Clearly I misinterpreted her because she then said, "no you won't. You'll be dead and in little pieces." She has said some pretty awful things to me, but I think this one won the Oscar.
So I got out of there, went to the school to finish my volunteer work, got stuck in a rain storm on the way home, came home to a cat vomiting all over the place and put on a brave face for my daughter who needed nothing but joy today. We got errands done and I bought her the toy she's been eyeing for having such a good day at school. My son got a CD he's been wanting. We got some new books and traded in some old toys for some new clothes. Now the littles are sleeping peacefully.
I've said before that I view crying as a luxury you can only afford when you have time. I think tonight I'll have to make time.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
In Heath, but Not in Sickness.....
If you've known me for a while or been reading for a while one thing you may remember about my mom is that she loves Pat Robertson. She used to tell me all the time about how she met him a few times (he lives 30 minutes from where I grew up and down the street from my house currently) and how he laid his hands on me and prayed over me when I was a baby. I'd love to ask him what he prayed for.
Mom also loved to tell the story about the day she got in her brown hatchback and decided she was going to go drive up to Pat's house. It had just been built so I guess she was thinking she could get a tour. She tells of how she drove down his long driveway past several gardeners working on the grounds who all stopped to stare at her. Halfway down the driveway she says she realized he might think she was crazy if she showed up unannounced so she turned around driving over part of his lovely manicured lawn I presume and tried to leave. She heard a scraping sound so she got out of the car and found a stick wedged in her wheel well. The end of the stick had sharpened itself into a very sharp point. She yanked it and and for some weird reason threw it in the backseat. Shortly after she got home, she saw my brother with the stick as he was fashioning it into a bow and arrow set. That made mom think that God wanted her there in that drive way to bring that stick home to her son. Now when I would hear that story I would often think why would God want you to trespass on someone's property to create a very sharp stick to give to your son who was about five years old at the time? I guess it's a mystery I will never solve. God works in mysterious ways.
My mom would spend hours talking with the "counselors" at the 700 Club and often end up in yelling matches with the poor person on the other line. This was a daily occurrence in our house for many years. I found her membership card to the club in her house while cleaning out her things last week. It amazes me that even though she called every day for years they never could get her first name right on the card. They call her "Amelia" to this day in any mail they send. For those of you who aren't in the know that isn't even close to her real name.
But if you've watched the news recently Pat Robertson told an audience member that if a man's wife had end stage Alzheimer's disease (a form of dementia - my mom has a different form of the same disease) he should be allowed to divorce and move on with his life (I'm paraphrasing it to emphasize the evil I feel is implied). Now I get it's horrible to deal with someone who has Alzheimer's or any form of dementia. I'm all too familiar with it. My Great-Grandfather died of Alzheimer's. We believe my Great-Grandmother suffered from Dementia towards the end of her life. My Grandfather developed Dementia towards the end of his battle with Emphysema. My Great-Aunt is living with Dementia. I see the bulls-eye on my head already. And I certainly wouldn't want to lay blame on someone for wanting out of that situation. I'm certainly not blaming anyone from deciding they've had enough, but as with anything, there are consequences for those actions.
It almost seems to Pat that the greater crime would be to have a relationship out of marriage, then to divorce someone in their hour of need for your own self preservation. I don't think he even realizes that when it comes to severe illness the well spouse may end up destroying what little life is left for their loved one by initiating a divorce. It could cause the sufferer to lose insurance, may reduce the quality of care if the sufferer no longer has someone looking out for them and may make the sufferer's life that much worse during their final years on this earth. If it were me suffering from dementia and I was to the point that I didn't recognize my own husband I would say throw me in front of The Tide to end it quickly. Otherwise I can't speak for myself so I need you. Sleep with anyone you want if you need that, but don't leave me in my hour of need.
I can see where Pat was kinda coming from. It is awful and the poor man was suffering too, but if you preach marriage is sacred and condemn divorce then you can't then go say "oh, but if it's too hard it's okay to jump ship." Just don't be a hypocrite about it all. And for the record I'm not against divorce. I think we run to it too quickly when things go wrong instead of working on relationships, but if that's what a couple chooses I would never stand in their way or make them feel guilty for choosing that option. But there's something extra sleazy about someone who divorces their spouse because he/she got sick.
Remember Andrea Yates? She killed her children because the voices in her head told her to do so. Her husband, while knowing how sick she was demanded she home-school their children and said how deeply religious he was. When she went prison and was awaiting trial he divorced her. Now I know that was a hard decision to make, but I wonder if he ever considered that his wife that he loved enough to father children with still needed someone to care about her. Does anyone clip her toenails when they get so long they dig into her shoes? Does anyone make sure the mental hospital she resides in bathes her when she needs it and treats her like a human being?
Of course I've had a great crisis with my view of God for many years. He just seems to want to dump on our family. It would be nice if he could spread the wealth a bit from time to time. But that's for another post.
I wrote an angry email to Pat Robertson and below is the email his rep sent. At the very bottom you can see my original email to them. You decide what you think. Maybe I'm just too angry about my own situation to give anyone a break on theirs. I own that and embrace that fault. Dementia, in it's many forms, sucks. And I've received more than my share of experiences with it. When my mother calls me names and tells me I never visit, or I never do anything for her, or I don't care enough for her it feels like a knife through my heart. But I can't trade her in for a new mom and walk away. The world just doesn't work that way. And I hope to God it never does. The world just wouldn't be worth living in if people became disposable like a CD when it starts to skip.
Thank you for sharing your concern about Pat Robertson's response to a Bring It On question about a friend's wife in the late stages of Alzheimer's.
Having had many close friends struggle through Alzheimer's, Pat has seen the devastating impact that it has on not only the spouse with the disease, but especially the caregiver whose quality of life also becomes completely debilitated by it.
The advice he offered was meant for only the most extreme cases, where the spouse is in the advanced stages of the disease (such as the woman in the letter) and the mental health of the caregiver is also at risk.
Pat acknowledges that this is a hard thing, saying, "This is an ethical question that is beyond my call." He also said, "Get some ethicist besides me to give you the answer, because I recognize the dilemma."
We are including below the complete transcript, which we hope will clarify Pat's answer.
Transcript
The 700 Club Daily Broadcast
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
BRING IT ON
TERRY MEEUWSEN: Well, we have your questions from our chat room, and we'd like to take some time to address them now. Pat, this is Andreas, who says, "I have a friend whose wife suffers from Alzheimer's. She doesn't even recognize him anymore. And as you can imagine, the marriage has been rough. My friend has gotten bitter at God for allowing his wife to be in that condition, and now he has started seeing another woman. He says that he should be allowed to see other people because his wife, as he knows her, is gone. I'm not quite sure what to tell him. Please help."
PAT ROBERTSON: That is a terribly hard thing. I hate Alzheimer's. It is one of the most awful things, because here is the loved one. This is the woman or man that you have loved for 20, 30, 40 years, and suddenly that person is gone. They're gone. They are gone. So what he says, basically, is correct. I know it sounds cruel, but if he is going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her.
TERRY MEEUWSEN: But isn't that the vow we take when we marry someone, that it's for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer?
PAT ROBERTSON: I know, if you respect that vow. But you say, "To death do us part," and this is a kind of a death. So that's what he is saying, is that she's like-but this is an ethical question that is beyond my can do to tell you. But I certainly wouldn't put a guilt trip on you if you decided that you had to have companionship, you're lonely, and you're asking for some companionship. But what a grief. I know one man who went to see his wife every single day, and she didn't recognize him one single day. And she would complain that he never came to see her. And it's really hurtful, because they say crazy things.
TERRY MEEUWSEN: Well, they see things, too.
PAT ROBERTSON: She finally died. I don't know what he's done. But nevertheless, it is a terribly difficult thing for somebody. And I can't fault them for wanting some kind of companionship. And if he says in a sense, she is gone, he is right. It's like a walking death. But get some ethicist besides me to give you the answer, because I recognize the dilemma, and the last thing I would do is condemn you for taking that kind of action. All right.
The Christian Broadcasting Network
http://www.cbn.com/
Prayer Center: 1-800-759-0700
> On 14-Sep-2011 22:17:21 CBN.com wrote:
> CBN.com Feedback - Other
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
> Subject: Alzheimers
>
> I am so angry. I can't believe that Pat Robertson would say someone gets a pass on morality just because his/her spouse has dementia. My mother has schizophrenia and dementia. She made the decision to divorce my father, but if it had been the other way around I would never ever forgive him. My mother loved you guys. I saw a taping as a child, my mother tells me I was blessed by Pat as a baby. She spent hours on the phone with your "counselors." My life is hell now because of her illness. No, I can't trade her in for a new "mom." Morality doesn't end when times are tough.
>
Mom also loved to tell the story about the day she got in her brown hatchback and decided she was going to go drive up to Pat's house. It had just been built so I guess she was thinking she could get a tour. She tells of how she drove down his long driveway past several gardeners working on the grounds who all stopped to stare at her. Halfway down the driveway she says she realized he might think she was crazy if she showed up unannounced so she turned around driving over part of his lovely manicured lawn I presume and tried to leave. She heard a scraping sound so she got out of the car and found a stick wedged in her wheel well. The end of the stick had sharpened itself into a very sharp point. She yanked it and and for some weird reason threw it in the backseat. Shortly after she got home, she saw my brother with the stick as he was fashioning it into a bow and arrow set. That made mom think that God wanted her there in that drive way to bring that stick home to her son. Now when I would hear that story I would often think why would God want you to trespass on someone's property to create a very sharp stick to give to your son who was about five years old at the time? I guess it's a mystery I will never solve. God works in mysterious ways.
My mom would spend hours talking with the "counselors" at the 700 Club and often end up in yelling matches with the poor person on the other line. This was a daily occurrence in our house for many years. I found her membership card to the club in her house while cleaning out her things last week. It amazes me that even though she called every day for years they never could get her first name right on the card. They call her "Amelia" to this day in any mail they send. For those of you who aren't in the know that isn't even close to her real name.
But if you've watched the news recently Pat Robertson told an audience member that if a man's wife had end stage Alzheimer's disease (a form of dementia - my mom has a different form of the same disease) he should be allowed to divorce and move on with his life (I'm paraphrasing it to emphasize the evil I feel is implied). Now I get it's horrible to deal with someone who has Alzheimer's or any form of dementia. I'm all too familiar with it. My Great-Grandfather died of Alzheimer's. We believe my Great-Grandmother suffered from Dementia towards the end of her life. My Grandfather developed Dementia towards the end of his battle with Emphysema. My Great-Aunt is living with Dementia. I see the bulls-eye on my head already. And I certainly wouldn't want to lay blame on someone for wanting out of that situation. I'm certainly not blaming anyone from deciding they've had enough, but as with anything, there are consequences for those actions.
It almost seems to Pat that the greater crime would be to have a relationship out of marriage, then to divorce someone in their hour of need for your own self preservation. I don't think he even realizes that when it comes to severe illness the well spouse may end up destroying what little life is left for their loved one by initiating a divorce. It could cause the sufferer to lose insurance, may reduce the quality of care if the sufferer no longer has someone looking out for them and may make the sufferer's life that much worse during their final years on this earth. If it were me suffering from dementia and I was to the point that I didn't recognize my own husband I would say throw me in front of The Tide to end it quickly. Otherwise I can't speak for myself so I need you. Sleep with anyone you want if you need that, but don't leave me in my hour of need.
I can see where Pat was kinda coming from. It is awful and the poor man was suffering too, but if you preach marriage is sacred and condemn divorce then you can't then go say "oh, but if it's too hard it's okay to jump ship." Just don't be a hypocrite about it all. And for the record I'm not against divorce. I think we run to it too quickly when things go wrong instead of working on relationships, but if that's what a couple chooses I would never stand in their way or make them feel guilty for choosing that option. But there's something extra sleazy about someone who divorces their spouse because he/she got sick.
Remember Andrea Yates? She killed her children because the voices in her head told her to do so. Her husband, while knowing how sick she was demanded she home-school their children and said how deeply religious he was. When she went prison and was awaiting trial he divorced her. Now I know that was a hard decision to make, but I wonder if he ever considered that his wife that he loved enough to father children with still needed someone to care about her. Does anyone clip her toenails when they get so long they dig into her shoes? Does anyone make sure the mental hospital she resides in bathes her when she needs it and treats her like a human being?
Of course I've had a great crisis with my view of God for many years. He just seems to want to dump on our family. It would be nice if he could spread the wealth a bit from time to time. But that's for another post.
I wrote an angry email to Pat Robertson and below is the email his rep sent. At the very bottom you can see my original email to them. You decide what you think. Maybe I'm just too angry about my own situation to give anyone a break on theirs. I own that and embrace that fault. Dementia, in it's many forms, sucks. And I've received more than my share of experiences with it. When my mother calls me names and tells me I never visit, or I never do anything for her, or I don't care enough for her it feels like a knife through my heart. But I can't trade her in for a new mom and walk away. The world just doesn't work that way. And I hope to God it never does. The world just wouldn't be worth living in if people became disposable like a CD when it starts to skip.
Thank you for sharing your concern about Pat Robertson's response to a Bring It On question about a friend's wife in the late stages of Alzheimer's.
Having had many close friends struggle through Alzheimer's, Pat has seen the devastating impact that it has on not only the spouse with the disease, but especially the caregiver whose quality of life also becomes completely debilitated by it.
The advice he offered was meant for only the most extreme cases, where the spouse is in the advanced stages of the disease (such as the woman in the letter) and the mental health of the caregiver is also at risk.
Pat acknowledges that this is a hard thing, saying, "This is an ethical question that is beyond my call." He also said, "Get some ethicist besides me to give you the answer, because I recognize the dilemma."
We are including below the complete transcript, which we hope will clarify Pat's answer.
Transcript
The 700 Club Daily Broadcast
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
BRING IT ON
TERRY MEEUWSEN: Well, we have your questions from our chat room, and we'd like to take some time to address them now. Pat, this is Andreas, who says, "I have a friend whose wife suffers from Alzheimer's. She doesn't even recognize him anymore. And as you can imagine, the marriage has been rough. My friend has gotten bitter at God for allowing his wife to be in that condition, and now he has started seeing another woman. He says that he should be allowed to see other people because his wife, as he knows her, is gone. I'm not quite sure what to tell him. Please help."
PAT ROBERTSON: That is a terribly hard thing. I hate Alzheimer's. It is one of the most awful things, because here is the loved one. This is the woman or man that you have loved for 20, 30, 40 years, and suddenly that person is gone. They're gone. They are gone. So what he says, basically, is correct. I know it sounds cruel, but if he is going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her.
TERRY MEEUWSEN: But isn't that the vow we take when we marry someone, that it's for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer?
PAT ROBERTSON: I know, if you respect that vow. But you say, "To death do us part," and this is a kind of a death. So that's what he is saying, is that she's like-but this is an ethical question that is beyond my can do to tell you. But I certainly wouldn't put a guilt trip on you if you decided that you had to have companionship, you're lonely, and you're asking for some companionship. But what a grief. I know one man who went to see his wife every single day, and she didn't recognize him one single day. And she would complain that he never came to see her. And it's really hurtful, because they say crazy things.
TERRY MEEUWSEN: Well, they see things, too.
PAT ROBERTSON: She finally died. I don't know what he's done. But nevertheless, it is a terribly difficult thing for somebody. And I can't fault them for wanting some kind of companionship. And if he says in a sense, she is gone, he is right. It's like a walking death. But get some ethicist besides me to give you the answer, because I recognize the dilemma, and the last thing I would do is condemn you for taking that kind of action. All right.
The Christian Broadcasting Network
http://www.cbn.com/
Prayer Center: 1-800-759-0700
> On 14-Sep-2011 22:17:21 CBN.com wrote:
> CBN.com Feedback - Other
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
> Subject: Alzheimers
>
> I am so angry. I can't believe that Pat Robertson would say someone gets a pass on morality just because his/her spouse has dementia. My mother has schizophrenia and dementia. She made the decision to divorce my father, but if it had been the other way around I would never ever forgive him. My mother loved you guys. I saw a taping as a child, my mother tells me I was blessed by Pat as a baby. She spent hours on the phone with your "counselors." My life is hell now because of her illness. No, I can't trade her in for a new "mom." Morality doesn't end when times are tough.
>
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Conservatorship! The fun is only beginning
Ah, Conservatorship! I fought very hard to take control of my mom's finances. It couldn't be that hard, right? And I would sleep easier at night knowing her phone, electricity, gas etc weren't cut off during the worst weather possible.
Well, it isn't as glamorous as it sounds. Although I know you all envy me. I have a report due in a few weeks of the inventory of all her assets. First the court forgot to assign me a commissioner of accounts. I wandered blindly for two and a half months before the mistake was discovered. Then I find out I have to pay several hundred dollars for a lawyer to audit me. Fun, fun. When mom still owes me thousands for paying medical, legal, insurance, grocery bills she couldn't afford this is just icing on the cake. Yippee! Thankfully the clerk reminded me if the order appointing me as conservator doesn't require certain things to be done I don't have to do it. So I can make up numbers for just about everything. Except they require me to have the house appraised. I'm having her jewelry looked at to see if anything is worth appraising there. That's if I find two minutes to even get that all set up.
Since I sued for Guardianship and Conservatorship without a lawyer (since my money tree burned down) I feel like I've been flying blind. In the next month the inventory is due and in December my initial 4 month financial report is due. When I asked the lawyer for guidance on a few things his response was "if you have concerns you should contact a lawyer." Aw, thanks! You're such a big help!
Things are better financially for my mother. She has Medicare Parts A, B and D. Yippee!!! For the next year she has alimony and social security. The alimony ends in a year. My plan is to have her house sold by then or we'll have some big problems. But now is the time to get the extras done. I took her to a dentist last week and she needs major dental work. She's never taken care of her teeth. She began to lose them in her 40s. Half of the teeth she has are implants.
My younger sister and I had to make some tough decisions on what to do with her teeth. One tooth can be saved, but will require about $2000+ worth of work. There are 3 other cavities which will cost a few hundred and one tooth that is beyond saving and will have to be pulled by an oral surgeon. We can space it out and the regular dentist's office (the initial work must be done by an endodontist) has said they will work with me on the bill as best they can. He will do the crown and cavity fills once we get to that point. The dentist was concerned that if they started work on the expensive tooth she may become non compliant and refuse to let them finish the work (it will take about 3 visits or so to complete). That would end up making the work done pointless and then we'll have to have it pulled instead. In the end my sister and I decided to go for it. Might as well save the tooth if possible and it's between two implants so really there was no option left other than pulling it and leaving a gap. She has been complaining for months about that tooth and seems highly motivated to get that one fixed. And the Aricept seems to be helping her understand what she needs to do.
I have one piece of advice for all of you reading. Brush your teeth ladies and gentlemen.
Today I had to pay $350 for the house to be appraised. I can't help but think, do these people who make these rules about conservatorship understand that every penny I spend on appraisals, report fees and audits take away from the money to pay for her medical care? She isn't a millionaire. The money will run out sooner or later. I know I have to be watched or I could just run away with everything, but it just saddens me to spend money on things that don't directly help her.
So I'm a bit frazzled. And with all that I have the Guardianship duties I share with my younger sister. That requires a short report due sometime between October and December we think (they give us such awesome concise instructions, ya know!).
And all my volunteer jobs are still ongoing. I love them all. If I didn't have something to distract me from all of the stuff from my mom I think I would seriously go crazy. I'd have to turn to alcohol! Or knitting, gah!
If I know you in real life please give me some patience. I definitely won't be at my best, but I assure you I won't be at my worst. And you can always sneak me a shot just in case.
Well, it isn't as glamorous as it sounds. Although I know you all envy me. I have a report due in a few weeks of the inventory of all her assets. First the court forgot to assign me a commissioner of accounts. I wandered blindly for two and a half months before the mistake was discovered. Then I find out I have to pay several hundred dollars for a lawyer to audit me. Fun, fun. When mom still owes me thousands for paying medical, legal, insurance, grocery bills she couldn't afford this is just icing on the cake. Yippee! Thankfully the clerk reminded me if the order appointing me as conservator doesn't require certain things to be done I don't have to do it. So I can make up numbers for just about everything. Except they require me to have the house appraised. I'm having her jewelry looked at to see if anything is worth appraising there. That's if I find two minutes to even get that all set up.
Since I sued for Guardianship and Conservatorship without a lawyer (since my money tree burned down) I feel like I've been flying blind. In the next month the inventory is due and in December my initial 4 month financial report is due. When I asked the lawyer for guidance on a few things his response was "if you have concerns you should contact a lawyer." Aw, thanks! You're such a big help!
Things are better financially for my mother. She has Medicare Parts A, B and D. Yippee!!! For the next year she has alimony and social security. The alimony ends in a year. My plan is to have her house sold by then or we'll have some big problems. But now is the time to get the extras done. I took her to a dentist last week and she needs major dental work. She's never taken care of her teeth. She began to lose them in her 40s. Half of the teeth she has are implants.
My younger sister and I had to make some tough decisions on what to do with her teeth. One tooth can be saved, but will require about $2000+ worth of work. There are 3 other cavities which will cost a few hundred and one tooth that is beyond saving and will have to be pulled by an oral surgeon. We can space it out and the regular dentist's office (the initial work must be done by an endodontist) has said they will work with me on the bill as best they can. He will do the crown and cavity fills once we get to that point. The dentist was concerned that if they started work on the expensive tooth she may become non compliant and refuse to let them finish the work (it will take about 3 visits or so to complete). That would end up making the work done pointless and then we'll have to have it pulled instead. In the end my sister and I decided to go for it. Might as well save the tooth if possible and it's between two implants so really there was no option left other than pulling it and leaving a gap. She has been complaining for months about that tooth and seems highly motivated to get that one fixed. And the Aricept seems to be helping her understand what she needs to do.
I have one piece of advice for all of you reading. Brush your teeth ladies and gentlemen.
Today I had to pay $350 for the house to be appraised. I can't help but think, do these people who make these rules about conservatorship understand that every penny I spend on appraisals, report fees and audits take away from the money to pay for her medical care? She isn't a millionaire. The money will run out sooner or later. I know I have to be watched or I could just run away with everything, but it just saddens me to spend money on things that don't directly help her.
So I'm a bit frazzled. And with all that I have the Guardianship duties I share with my younger sister. That requires a short report due sometime between October and December we think (they give us such awesome concise instructions, ya know!).
And all my volunteer jobs are still ongoing. I love them all. If I didn't have something to distract me from all of the stuff from my mom I think I would seriously go crazy. I'd have to turn to alcohol! Or knitting, gah!
If I know you in real life please give me some patience. I definitely won't be at my best, but I assure you I won't be at my worst. And you can always sneak me a shot just in case.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
So if there were any doubt the title of my blog rings true...
Being Guardian for your mother is always a challenge. No way to make it easy. It isn't something that you just fit in here and there as you have time. It's pretty much a full time job. Thankfully I have my younger sister to share the responsibility, but still it's difficult.
Today was one of those difficult days.
It was a good day for my mom. She was mentally alert and able to understand directions and answer questions. She saw her eye doctor this morning and she seemed to really understand what was going on. Those have been rare so I really love the days where she is truly present.
Of course things must be equaled out by administrative garbage. Because of the assisted living center's rules I must provide a prescription for everything a doctor wants to have them do. Artificial Tears, Tylenol, antibiotic ointment, lip balm you name it requires a prescription. This has been a challenge because many of the doctors are moving to electronic prescriptions. I now have to get them to write out scripts to give to the assisted living. Just an extra step. Mom has one doctor who consistently refuses to sign things because he feels a print out should be good enough. And it isn't so I have to deal with it all when I get mom back to the facility.
Well today I was informed after 3 months of her living there that the doctor not only needs to write a prescription for any drug changes the doctors also have to write what condition they are giving the drug for on the prescription. Since the doctors don't routinely do it, despite the medical director claiming it was regulations, I had to hear about how they should know this. Like I can do anything about the knowledge contents of their brains. And I hear this over and over from BOTH SIDES! What crazy conflicting regulations are they citing? Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm in Virginia. Of course it's a mess!
They must just think everyone is psychic. Well, sorry guys. My psychic ability is in the shop. I don't think it will be fixed anytime soon.
Plus I've been hearing about for months how the doctors also have to sign their med order sheets. I don't know why a prescription with his/her signature isn't good enough, but apparently it isn't. And I was hearing about how she's been faxing it off for months to try to get my mom's doctor to sign it. Well the doctor was the one she saw in the hospital and doesn't see her anymore. And didn't prescribe half the drugs on the sheet. Of course he's not going to sign it. She tried mom's other doctors. The primary doctor won't sign it because the list includes medications from the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist won't sign it because it includes medications he didn't prescribe. It all makes me want to scream! Is it really that hard? I don't blame the doctors. I get why they won't sign it, but geez y'all need to get it together and make something work!
So if you ever doubted why I named my blog "Everyone's a Little Bit Crazy" doubt no more. Although I'm starting to think I should rename it "Everyone's a Whole Heap of Crazy."
Well, maybe someone in the world is completely sane. If I find him or her I'll let you know. Don't hold your breath.
Monday, August 29, 2011
So How Is Your Mom?
So How Is Your Mom? It's a question I hear so often sometimes I want to scream, and other times I desperately wish someone would ask me that very thing. My mom's illness has consumed my life and I'm caught between wanting to do everything I can to "fix" things and wishing I didn't have this burden to bear.
So, really, how is she? I have been so caught up enrolling her in Medicare and talking with her doctors about how this drug is garbage and this one seems to work well I forget to look at how she is doing. I guess the best way to describe it is "better." Since the dose of Haldol was lowered she is stronger physically. When she was originally put on Haldol she was an active young looking 63 year old. Quickly, she turned into a "on death's door looking like a 100 year old" woman. Haldol was to blame. It's only benefits are that it's cheap and can be injected into a unwilling patient who doesn't see her illness. The side-effects are absolutely horrid. But if you don't have insurance you take what you can afford or what's given for free.
She's on a much smaller dose of Haldol now and the doctor added a new antipsychotic with it to make up for the lower dose. She's still delusional, but at this point she's healthier than we hoped for just a short time ago. She's stronger and a bit more lucid and she hasn't cussed me out in at least two weeks. She's been diagnosed with Dementia which is common with schizophrenics. The doctor started Aricept last week and we are hoping it will make a difference.
We had Hurricane Irene swing through the area over the weekend. It wasn't so bad, but it reminded me of the last time we had a Hurricane coming our way. I had my mom stay over and my husband and I slept in shifts to keep an eye on her. Right after the storm she ended up hospitalized for a few days with a massive bladder infection which made her mental state decline rapidly. It was evident the minute she stepped foot in my house that she needed medical help that time.
But for this Hurricane this past weekend she was at her assisted living facility with a backup generator and medical staff making sure she was safe. The medical director even told me mom shared her Coca-Cola stash with a fellow resident who was sad the Coke machine was empty. As for me I spent most of the storm sleeping. I guess the weight of my recent burdens were lifted for a moment and my body decided it needed some healing time.
Today I visited mom to make sure she was safe. The facility was on backup generator as the power was still out, but my mom was in good spirits. Up until the last three visits she has refused to get out of bed when I'm there. I had her doctor change one of her medications and I think it's helping. She was angry I stole her shoes. She had two pairs of Crocs and she slipped on the stairs a few times. I bought her some laceless Keds which she hates, but are much safer for her to wear. She entertained me with stories about how she was planning on marrying a guy named Larry who lives upstairs, and how she changed her mind and he found someone else. I told her I didn't realize she was dating, to which she replied, "we weren't. I was just going to marry him." She was thankful she didn't marry him because he was into lots of sex. She also mentioned the newest activity there is "panty raids" led by Larry. Strange since it's an all female facility. I gave her a much needed manicure and pedicure (complete with a baby wipe foot bath). The second one left me desperate for a shower. Must remember to show her doctor her feet next visit. Then mom crawled back in bed for a nap before dinner. Before leaving I asked the medical director who "Larry" was. Turns out he's the son of one of the residents and he'd just stopped by for a visit last week. I asked them to keep and eye on her and to please make sure she washed her feet next time she showered.
This week my plan is to pay attention to my kids before school starts next week and I don't see them as much. Then start working again on all the fiduciary work I have waiting. More on that fun next time.
So, really, how is she? I have been so caught up enrolling her in Medicare and talking with her doctors about how this drug is garbage and this one seems to work well I forget to look at how she is doing. I guess the best way to describe it is "better." Since the dose of Haldol was lowered she is stronger physically. When she was originally put on Haldol she was an active young looking 63 year old. Quickly, she turned into a "on death's door looking like a 100 year old" woman. Haldol was to blame. It's only benefits are that it's cheap and can be injected into a unwilling patient who doesn't see her illness. The side-effects are absolutely horrid. But if you don't have insurance you take what you can afford or what's given for free.
She's on a much smaller dose of Haldol now and the doctor added a new antipsychotic with it to make up for the lower dose. She's still delusional, but at this point she's healthier than we hoped for just a short time ago. She's stronger and a bit more lucid and she hasn't cussed me out in at least two weeks. She's been diagnosed with Dementia which is common with schizophrenics. The doctor started Aricept last week and we are hoping it will make a difference.
We had Hurricane Irene swing through the area over the weekend. It wasn't so bad, but it reminded me of the last time we had a Hurricane coming our way. I had my mom stay over and my husband and I slept in shifts to keep an eye on her. Right after the storm she ended up hospitalized for a few days with a massive bladder infection which made her mental state decline rapidly. It was evident the minute she stepped foot in my house that she needed medical help that time.
But for this Hurricane this past weekend she was at her assisted living facility with a backup generator and medical staff making sure she was safe. The medical director even told me mom shared her Coca-Cola stash with a fellow resident who was sad the Coke machine was empty. As for me I spent most of the storm sleeping. I guess the weight of my recent burdens were lifted for a moment and my body decided it needed some healing time.
Today I visited mom to make sure she was safe. The facility was on backup generator as the power was still out, but my mom was in good spirits. Up until the last three visits she has refused to get out of bed when I'm there. I had her doctor change one of her medications and I think it's helping. She was angry I stole her shoes. She had two pairs of Crocs and she slipped on the stairs a few times. I bought her some laceless Keds which she hates, but are much safer for her to wear. She entertained me with stories about how she was planning on marrying a guy named Larry who lives upstairs, and how she changed her mind and he found someone else. I told her I didn't realize she was dating, to which she replied, "we weren't. I was just going to marry him." She was thankful she didn't marry him because he was into lots of sex. She also mentioned the newest activity there is "panty raids" led by Larry. Strange since it's an all female facility. I gave her a much needed manicure and pedicure (complete with a baby wipe foot bath). The second one left me desperate for a shower. Must remember to show her doctor her feet next visit. Then mom crawled back in bed for a nap before dinner. Before leaving I asked the medical director who "Larry" was. Turns out he's the son of one of the residents and he'd just stopped by for a visit last week. I asked them to keep and eye on her and to please make sure she washed her feet next time she showered.
This week my plan is to pay attention to my kids before school starts next week and I don't see them as much. Then start working again on all the fiduciary work I have waiting. More on that fun next time.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Been A Long Time...Long Post
I didn't realize until today that my last update was in May. I kinda like having this blog as a history of all we've been through. Maybe it can help others, maybe it's just cheap therapy for me. At any rate a lot has happened and I have a lot of updating to do.
Back in May my mother was at VBPI. They ended up keeping her for over a month, only releasing her when funding ran out. It is completely ridiculous that in this country you can be denied care because of inability to pay. But I digress...
A doctor at the facility determined her unable to care for herself or make decisions regarding her care about a week into her hospitalization. The logical next step was to file for Guardianship and Conservatorship, but with the lawyer fees running about $5000 just for my lawyer it was an expense I simply couldn't pay. I considered begging family members for the money, but really, then what? There would be no money to pay for her care or anything else she needed. So I decided to file for Guardianship and Conservatorship pro se (legal speak for without a lawyer - I only learned that because they kept calling me that at the court and I had to ask what the heck it meant). I spent countless hours online and finally discovered this booklet http://www.courts.state.va.us/courtadmin/aoc/cip/programs/gal/adult/guardian_conserv_proceedings.pdf put out by the Virginia Supreme Court. It made it sound pretty simple, but I was scared to death to try. I headed up to the Chesapeake Circuit Court to ask the Clerk's office for help, but they directed me to the library across the street. As luck would have it it was "free law day" at the library and I was able to talk with a lawyer and he assured me I could just follow the booklet and if there were problems the Guardian ad litem would take care of it for me. Funny fact - I discovered only last week that he was my father's divorce attorney. How weird is that?
So my mother was still in the hospital as I started writing my petition. The lawyer suggested getting letters from family members stating they didn't protest so I started asking all the closest relatives to write the letters. I couldn't find current addresses for my mother's half-siblings so I asked her two full siblings, mother and my siblings to sign the letters. My aunt was the first to send hers to me and my siblings slowly got theirs done. But my uncle protested. He didn't understand why she needed a guardian. I guess since he hadn't seen her since the early 1980s it was a bit of a shock. But he convinced my grandmother not to sign her letter, either. Then my uncle suggested he be guardian. Considering he lives like 10 states away and hasn't seen her in over 30 years that did not sit well with me (and the reason why I had to stop writing my blog so I didn't "tip him off"). I worried I would have to come up with the money for a lawyer in case he chose to fight me. In the end another lawyer (giving me some free advice) mentioned I only needed to contact 3 relatives (4 siblings = done) and that the court wouldn't really care what a relative thought that lived so far away. So I filed my petition. I thought my heart was going to explode it was beating so hard the day I went up to the counter and paid my $20 and filed my petition. The Clerk even took pity on me and assigned a Guardian ad litem for me since at the time the rule was I had to find someone first. The rule changed July 1st.
During this time I was in daily contact with the social worker at VBPI and my mother's regular case manager at the CCSB. It was determined that she needed an assisted living facility. Well she actually needed long term hospitalization, but since she was only 64 3/4 years old and the only people who can be admitted to the under 65 year old mental hospital are prisoners. And due to bureaucratic garbage she could not get a nursing home evaluation so, an assisted living facility was our only choice. My sister and I visited dozens of places. Her more than me, but I spent more time working the phones. So many of these places were horrid. One reeked of urine in the room they happily suggested our mother move into. Finally we brought our list down to a few we liked, but would have to have family pitch in to help pay for. Then they all started saying they couldn't accept her because of her schizophrenia diagnosis. This is despite telling them when we first spoke with them and having them tell us it wouldn't be an issue. Then we lowered our standards and tried others who denied her. Then we lowered our standards again, but this time were told that because she was not receiving Medicaid she wasn't allowed to go to these facilities. We heard through the social worker that the dr said we needed to "step it up." I was livid. My sister and I were living on almost no sleep getting the run around every where we looked. There wasn't anywhere to "step up" to! So basically we were screwed. Luckily my sister stopped me from heading to an assisted living facility (run by Sentara) to let loose some verbal frustration and found a facility in Norfolk. The night before discharge we also found one on the Eastern Shore, but when we visited it was definitely not somewhere we would like our mother to live. The Lydia Roper House in Norfolk is a beautiful Victorian Home. They have really been wonderful to her. It's clean, sunny and bright. I think I want to live there when I'm old.
Mom was settled and a week later we had the court hearing. Mom had her own lawyer, Colleen Dickerson, who was awesome. She was as helpful as she could be. She met with my mom and agreed she needed a guardian. She walked me through the court hearing and even complimented me on my petition. The judge said I did better than some lawyers he sees. I had to pay Colleen's fee of about $1500 and post my bond (insurance in case I screw up my mom's finances) of about $700 and there it was. Less than if I'd hired my own lawyer, but still wiped out a good portion of our savings (my brother helped and later my older sister did as well). My sister and I were co-guardians and I was sole conservator. At that moment I really wondered why I had done it. The work was overwhelming. But then again my mother did carry me for 8 months, give birth to me and fed me from her breast for the first year of my life so I guess I kinda owe her.
But that day I had scheduled a visit with an eye doctor for her She had a weird eye discharge that wasn't responding to antibiotics. There was no time to celebrate a legal victory. My husband picked her up and drove her to the appointment so I could head over straight from court. I sat down next to her in the waiting room waiting to be called back and she started to call me every awful name she could remember. She fought me through the appointment. I paid the bill with more money from my savings and drove her back to the assisted living and got her up to her room. I stopped by the office to give them the med orders and headed home. I started to cry. Now I'm not much of a crier. I've spent the past year fighting them because I just simply don't have the luxury of time to cry. I crank the stereo up to make them stop. But this time they didn't. I cried the whole way through downtown Norfolk traffic. They finally stopped when I was almost home, thankfully. I didn't want my kids to see me cry. Especially about something they didn't understand. And God I hope they never have to understand.
We found out a few days later that she was suffering from side-effects and the VBPI doctor failed to put her on the medication that would control the side-effects. It took some time, but she stopped calling me a B**** so much. There are good days and bad days. Many times the bad days outnumber the good. She sleeps a lot.
Life is hard right now. But I choose to help my mom not because I love it, not because I feel it is my duty to her, not because I owe anyone anything. I just don't think I could live with myself if I didn't. So much of life is doing things because they matter to others. I tend to forget myself. But when there's so much need it almost feels selfish to do something for myself. But last night, after the kids were in bed, I crawled in the tub and read a book. That was just the right amount of selfish I needed.
Back in May my mother was at VBPI. They ended up keeping her for over a month, only releasing her when funding ran out. It is completely ridiculous that in this country you can be denied care because of inability to pay. But I digress...
A doctor at the facility determined her unable to care for herself or make decisions regarding her care about a week into her hospitalization. The logical next step was to file for Guardianship and Conservatorship, but with the lawyer fees running about $5000 just for my lawyer it was an expense I simply couldn't pay. I considered begging family members for the money, but really, then what? There would be no money to pay for her care or anything else she needed. So I decided to file for Guardianship and Conservatorship pro se (legal speak for without a lawyer - I only learned that because they kept calling me that at the court and I had to ask what the heck it meant). I spent countless hours online and finally discovered this booklet http://www.courts.state.va.us/courtadmin/aoc/cip/programs/gal/adult/guardian_conserv_proceedings.pdf put out by the Virginia Supreme Court. It made it sound pretty simple, but I was scared to death to try. I headed up to the Chesapeake Circuit Court to ask the Clerk's office for help, but they directed me to the library across the street. As luck would have it it was "free law day" at the library and I was able to talk with a lawyer and he assured me I could just follow the booklet and if there were problems the Guardian ad litem would take care of it for me. Funny fact - I discovered only last week that he was my father's divorce attorney. How weird is that?
So my mother was still in the hospital as I started writing my petition. The lawyer suggested getting letters from family members stating they didn't protest so I started asking all the closest relatives to write the letters. I couldn't find current addresses for my mother's half-siblings so I asked her two full siblings, mother and my siblings to sign the letters. My aunt was the first to send hers to me and my siblings slowly got theirs done. But my uncle protested. He didn't understand why she needed a guardian. I guess since he hadn't seen her since the early 1980s it was a bit of a shock. But he convinced my grandmother not to sign her letter, either. Then my uncle suggested he be guardian. Considering he lives like 10 states away and hasn't seen her in over 30 years that did not sit well with me (and the reason why I had to stop writing my blog so I didn't "tip him off"). I worried I would have to come up with the money for a lawyer in case he chose to fight me. In the end another lawyer (giving me some free advice) mentioned I only needed to contact 3 relatives (4 siblings = done) and that the court wouldn't really care what a relative thought that lived so far away. So I filed my petition. I thought my heart was going to explode it was beating so hard the day I went up to the counter and paid my $20 and filed my petition. The Clerk even took pity on me and assigned a Guardian ad litem for me since at the time the rule was I had to find someone first. The rule changed July 1st.
During this time I was in daily contact with the social worker at VBPI and my mother's regular case manager at the CCSB. It was determined that she needed an assisted living facility. Well she actually needed long term hospitalization, but since she was only 64 3/4 years old and the only people who can be admitted to the under 65 year old mental hospital are prisoners. And due to bureaucratic garbage she could not get a nursing home evaluation so, an assisted living facility was our only choice. My sister and I visited dozens of places. Her more than me, but I spent more time working the phones. So many of these places were horrid. One reeked of urine in the room they happily suggested our mother move into. Finally we brought our list down to a few we liked, but would have to have family pitch in to help pay for. Then they all started saying they couldn't accept her because of her schizophrenia diagnosis. This is despite telling them when we first spoke with them and having them tell us it wouldn't be an issue. Then we lowered our standards and tried others who denied her. Then we lowered our standards again, but this time were told that because she was not receiving Medicaid she wasn't allowed to go to these facilities. We heard through the social worker that the dr said we needed to "step it up." I was livid. My sister and I were living on almost no sleep getting the run around every where we looked. There wasn't anywhere to "step up" to! So basically we were screwed. Luckily my sister stopped me from heading to an assisted living facility (run by Sentara) to let loose some verbal frustration and found a facility in Norfolk. The night before discharge we also found one on the Eastern Shore, but when we visited it was definitely not somewhere we would like our mother to live. The Lydia Roper House in Norfolk is a beautiful Victorian Home. They have really been wonderful to her. It's clean, sunny and bright. I think I want to live there when I'm old.
Mom was settled and a week later we had the court hearing. Mom had her own lawyer, Colleen Dickerson, who was awesome. She was as helpful as she could be. She met with my mom and agreed she needed a guardian. She walked me through the court hearing and even complimented me on my petition. The judge said I did better than some lawyers he sees. I had to pay Colleen's fee of about $1500 and post my bond (insurance in case I screw up my mom's finances) of about $700 and there it was. Less than if I'd hired my own lawyer, but still wiped out a good portion of our savings (my brother helped and later my older sister did as well). My sister and I were co-guardians and I was sole conservator. At that moment I really wondered why I had done it. The work was overwhelming. But then again my mother did carry me for 8 months, give birth to me and fed me from her breast for the first year of my life so I guess I kinda owe her.
But that day I had scheduled a visit with an eye doctor for her She had a weird eye discharge that wasn't responding to antibiotics. There was no time to celebrate a legal victory. My husband picked her up and drove her to the appointment so I could head over straight from court. I sat down next to her in the waiting room waiting to be called back and she started to call me every awful name she could remember. She fought me through the appointment. I paid the bill with more money from my savings and drove her back to the assisted living and got her up to her room. I stopped by the office to give them the med orders and headed home. I started to cry. Now I'm not much of a crier. I've spent the past year fighting them because I just simply don't have the luxury of time to cry. I crank the stereo up to make them stop. But this time they didn't. I cried the whole way through downtown Norfolk traffic. They finally stopped when I was almost home, thankfully. I didn't want my kids to see me cry. Especially about something they didn't understand. And God I hope they never have to understand.
We found out a few days later that she was suffering from side-effects and the VBPI doctor failed to put her on the medication that would control the side-effects. It took some time, but she stopped calling me a B**** so much. There are good days and bad days. Many times the bad days outnumber the good. She sleeps a lot.
Life is hard right now. But I choose to help my mom not because I love it, not because I feel it is my duty to her, not because I owe anyone anything. I just don't think I could live with myself if I didn't. So much of life is doing things because they matter to others. I tend to forget myself. But when there's so much need it almost feels selfish to do something for myself. But last night, after the kids were in bed, I crawled in the tub and read a book. That was just the right amount of selfish I needed.
Monday, May 2, 2011
What do you do when there are no good options?
To Do List
1. Buy Groceries
2. Pick Up Cat Food
3. Strip Mom of Her Rights
It seems really weird to be at this time in my life where I need to switch roles with my mother and become her parent. I really never thought I would be in this place, especially since she is so young. I guess that's something very few people think about. I see some heavy estate planning in my future.
Mom has been going downhill for a while. Hard to believe a year ago she was fairly fit and actually looked young for her age. She looks like she's aged 20 years or more since last June. She appears shorter and weaker. She can no longer wash her own hair or prepare herself a meal. These are all things she could do a year ago.
Recently her mental state has been declining. Her psychiatrist could tell she needed a change in medication, but mom refused a lot of the drugs. She's had a string of urinary tract infections over the past 6 months. Since that causes her to get very confused he did not want to change her medications until she was stable. It was becoming very obvious to us that that was never going to happen. So we called a few weeks ago to Emergency Services and my sister had to do a lot of convincing for them to take her for evaluation. One worker seemed to feel we weren't doing enough for her and that was why she was decompensating. Maybe it wasn't enough, but it is the best we could do.
So she's been in the hospital for 2 weeks, which is the longest they've kept her out of all of her hospital stays. She was initially starting to stablize, but began to decompensate last Thursday. Normally, after seeing a small amount of improvement the hospital would discharge her and she decompensates at home out of their view. I'm not sure why they didn't this time, but they wanted to keep her a few more days. The acute care case manager with the CSB had to beg for more time and was given a few more days. She started to decline the next day and has continued to get worse. We were concerned all weekend that the funding would run out and she would be discharged even though she isn't stable simply because of a lack of funding. The stress has been killing me. I've emailed my Delegate, State Senator, Federal Senator, the President and the Mayor all in hopes someone will help. My Delegate and State Senator have been the most helpful, but have stated there is little they can do for her. I've promised to help them change the laws even if my mom's situation resolves.
So today I started to gather information to file a petition for adult guardianship. I went up to the courthouse today to see if I could file. It isn't just a form to fill out (nothing is ever that easy I guess). I have to write a petition so, they sent me to the library to find an example. As luck would have it I stumbled into "Law Day" where you can talk to a lawyer for free. I found a lawyer familiar with the process and he helped me a great deal. I took his card so if I have more questions I know who to hire.
So I'm preparing that process. Over the weekend my mother failed her Capacity test that would show if she could make her own decisions. That will help if I can get a record of that. The doctor may file the petition, but I don't want to lose time waiting for him.
My mother called me today (first time since Thursday) and was upset the doctor was trying to send her to Eastern State Hospital for long term care. She wanted me to do something, but I told her I couldn't. She started to tell me about the people she is talking to. She says there is a man there that looks like my brother and he informed her she had triplets. My brother was left and two were taken away. He was one of them. Then she said I was a triplet and she was one of octuplets. I guess I have a lot of relatives to find.
1. Buy Groceries
2. Pick Up Cat Food
3. Strip Mom of Her Rights
It seems really weird to be at this time in my life where I need to switch roles with my mother and become her parent. I really never thought I would be in this place, especially since she is so young. I guess that's something very few people think about. I see some heavy estate planning in my future.
Mom has been going downhill for a while. Hard to believe a year ago she was fairly fit and actually looked young for her age. She looks like she's aged 20 years or more since last June. She appears shorter and weaker. She can no longer wash her own hair or prepare herself a meal. These are all things she could do a year ago.
Recently her mental state has been declining. Her psychiatrist could tell she needed a change in medication, but mom refused a lot of the drugs. She's had a string of urinary tract infections over the past 6 months. Since that causes her to get very confused he did not want to change her medications until she was stable. It was becoming very obvious to us that that was never going to happen. So we called a few weeks ago to Emergency Services and my sister had to do a lot of convincing for them to take her for evaluation. One worker seemed to feel we weren't doing enough for her and that was why she was decompensating. Maybe it wasn't enough, but it is the best we could do.
So she's been in the hospital for 2 weeks, which is the longest they've kept her out of all of her hospital stays. She was initially starting to stablize, but began to decompensate last Thursday. Normally, after seeing a small amount of improvement the hospital would discharge her and she decompensates at home out of their view. I'm not sure why they didn't this time, but they wanted to keep her a few more days. The acute care case manager with the CSB had to beg for more time and was given a few more days. She started to decline the next day and has continued to get worse. We were concerned all weekend that the funding would run out and she would be discharged even though she isn't stable simply because of a lack of funding. The stress has been killing me. I've emailed my Delegate, State Senator, Federal Senator, the President and the Mayor all in hopes someone will help. My Delegate and State Senator have been the most helpful, but have stated there is little they can do for her. I've promised to help them change the laws even if my mom's situation resolves.
So today I started to gather information to file a petition for adult guardianship. I went up to the courthouse today to see if I could file. It isn't just a form to fill out (nothing is ever that easy I guess). I have to write a petition so, they sent me to the library to find an example. As luck would have it I stumbled into "Law Day" where you can talk to a lawyer for free. I found a lawyer familiar with the process and he helped me a great deal. I took his card so if I have more questions I know who to hire.
So I'm preparing that process. Over the weekend my mother failed her Capacity test that would show if she could make her own decisions. That will help if I can get a record of that. The doctor may file the petition, but I don't want to lose time waiting for him.
My mother called me today (first time since Thursday) and was upset the doctor was trying to send her to Eastern State Hospital for long term care. She wanted me to do something, but I told her I couldn't. She started to tell me about the people she is talking to. She says there is a man there that looks like my brother and he informed her she had triplets. My brother was left and two were taken away. He was one of them. Then she said I was a triplet and she was one of octuplets. I guess I have a lot of relatives to find.
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