Well, despite my best attempts at keeping this current I seem to be falling behind. I seem to be a few weeks behind in everything these days so I'm starting to not stress out as much as I used to about it. That could be a good thing. Maybe it means I'm maturing in a way. Maybe it just means the crushing weight of everything going on has just started to numb me.
This past week has been rough. Temperatures are unseasonably cold for our corner of the world and mom's heat still isn't fixed. We have someone who can fix it, but working out the particulars is taking a bit of time. The hope is that by the beginning of next week she'll have heat. I've set up a lot of space heaters, but mom keeps turning them off and then complaining she's cold. I finally had to say she either leaves them alone or she's going to the hospital. I hate to threaten her like that, but it's the truth. Not being able to take care of her basic needs because of her mental state is one of the few things you can have someone involuntarily committed for. Danger to herself or others are the only other ways to have the CSB help out with a temporary hospitalization.
I thought my mother had been doing well and seem to be stabilizing. I had her stay at my house last week because of the cold and I was happy she seemed well enough to function in my home, unlike last time. I took her to her appointment with her psychiatrist on Thursday. The doctor and I were talking about lowering the dose of Halodol. I was encouraged that he felt she was doing well enough to lower the dose. And then my mother started talking about a little gnome that was sneaking in her bedroom at night and knotting up her hair. He quickly changed course and said keep the dose the same, but we may need to talk about different drugs, but only if her primary can follow her. Then in the nurse's office waiting for her shot she mentioned euthanasia had started up across the street again. If you remember she was arrested for attempted abduction last summer. She felt she was saving the kids from euthanasia. Now she was saying the government was paying Gloria $40 each to euthanize kids and place them in gray trash bags and leave them at the curb for pickup. The neighbor across the street hired someone to rake his leaves and he was using gray trash bags so I think that's where that delusion came from.
Tonight my sister called to tell me my mother said I was going to kill her if she turned off the heat or if something was out of place. I guess my persuasion backfired. Since I have the financial POA she is seeing me as a threat.
I'm thinking she will be hospitalized again very soon. It's depressing, but I guess this is reality for now. Wish I could escape like mom. Maybe she's on to something. But I guess if she were really on to something she wouldn't be looking at spending Christmas in a psyche ward.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The long, long journey
Well it's been a long while since I was able to post and a lot has happened. I've found myself running from one place to the next trying to help my mom with all her needs and somehow meet the needs of those around me as well. I feel like I'm falling far short of my goal. It seems like the more I do the more things there are to fail.
I came to the decision to not coach soccer anymore. I really loved the girls, but the adults were a bit too difficult to deal with. And since my daughter does not seem interested in playing anymore it made the decision easier to make. I will miss it, though. But it was one thing I felt I wasn't great at doing. That gives me an unfinished feeling that I hate.
So in the past few months my mother has been through a roller coaster of health. She seems fine some days, but other days I wonder if I should put her back in the hospital. It seems the most simple acts are impossible for her these days. She desperately wants to stay in her home as long as possible and remain independent, but I feel she is past her ability to take care of herself to really any extent. I'm predicting she will be in an assisted living facility within the year.
We hired an aide to come in 3 days a week to help mom with bathing, cleaning and medication. The first one was a disaster. The second one was better, but since the company who hired her failed to provide her with instructions and also failed to notify us of the change she was flying blind the first two weeks. We hired the aide to help my sister and I out and give us a break as far as caretaking. Some days I feel it just causes more stress because there is always a concern about what the aide is doing there.
The bigger concern now is that my mom often refuses to eat enough, drink enough, visit the facilities enough or allow anyone else to help her with those things. There are many times when I visit I find her so dehydrated I consider taking her to the hospital. After forcing a bottle of water in her she usually seems better right away. It's amazing to me that she wouldn't do those basic things she needs to do for her health. I ask her why and she often says she's worried about bladder control. She often refuses to use the restroom and I feel most of her bladder issues stem from that. She won't let the aide bathe her so from time to time my sister or I will force her to wash. I hate doing that at her house so whenever we are at an appointment or for some other reason at my house I throw her in the shower. She hates it, but I just ignore her complaints and get her clean. I try my hardest to respect her privacy, but she does need to get clean.
But one good thing happened. My mother finally signed the financial Power of Attorney. That has taken a huge weight off the family's shoulders. I was able to have my brother come in and fix a permanently clogged kitchen sink. She had threatened to call the police on him (like she did to my sister) and try to get him arrested so he was too scared to help out in her house for fear he would end up in jail and lose his security clearance. With the POA giving me the right to hire people for repairs in her house it gave him enough protection to complete the work. She spent the day at my house just in case though. I'm in the process of trying to find someone to fix the ductwork under her house so that we can get her heat working. It unfortunately collapsed and blocked the remaining ducts enough the heat shuts down after a few minutes. It's been slow getting someone out there and with temperatures heading down I worry about her in that house. She has several space heaters, but refuses to turn them on for fear it will start a fire. She does have some mysterious electrical issues going on, but for the most part things are safe. Right now it's fix the heat first then work on hiring an electrician.
So the next thing on the agenda is to have her sign the living will and the medical power of attorney. I'm going to file for disability and medicare as soon as I can. At least before she realizes what I'm doing and tries to stop me.
I came to the decision to not coach soccer anymore. I really loved the girls, but the adults were a bit too difficult to deal with. And since my daughter does not seem interested in playing anymore it made the decision easier to make. I will miss it, though. But it was one thing I felt I wasn't great at doing. That gives me an unfinished feeling that I hate.
So in the past few months my mother has been through a roller coaster of health. She seems fine some days, but other days I wonder if I should put her back in the hospital. It seems the most simple acts are impossible for her these days. She desperately wants to stay in her home as long as possible and remain independent, but I feel she is past her ability to take care of herself to really any extent. I'm predicting she will be in an assisted living facility within the year.
We hired an aide to come in 3 days a week to help mom with bathing, cleaning and medication. The first one was a disaster. The second one was better, but since the company who hired her failed to provide her with instructions and also failed to notify us of the change she was flying blind the first two weeks. We hired the aide to help my sister and I out and give us a break as far as caretaking. Some days I feel it just causes more stress because there is always a concern about what the aide is doing there.
The bigger concern now is that my mom often refuses to eat enough, drink enough, visit the facilities enough or allow anyone else to help her with those things. There are many times when I visit I find her so dehydrated I consider taking her to the hospital. After forcing a bottle of water in her she usually seems better right away. It's amazing to me that she wouldn't do those basic things she needs to do for her health. I ask her why and she often says she's worried about bladder control. She often refuses to use the restroom and I feel most of her bladder issues stem from that. She won't let the aide bathe her so from time to time my sister or I will force her to wash. I hate doing that at her house so whenever we are at an appointment or for some other reason at my house I throw her in the shower. She hates it, but I just ignore her complaints and get her clean. I try my hardest to respect her privacy, but she does need to get clean.
But one good thing happened. My mother finally signed the financial Power of Attorney. That has taken a huge weight off the family's shoulders. I was able to have my brother come in and fix a permanently clogged kitchen sink. She had threatened to call the police on him (like she did to my sister) and try to get him arrested so he was too scared to help out in her house for fear he would end up in jail and lose his security clearance. With the POA giving me the right to hire people for repairs in her house it gave him enough protection to complete the work. She spent the day at my house just in case though. I'm in the process of trying to find someone to fix the ductwork under her house so that we can get her heat working. It unfortunately collapsed and blocked the remaining ducts enough the heat shuts down after a few minutes. It's been slow getting someone out there and with temperatures heading down I worry about her in that house. She has several space heaters, but refuses to turn them on for fear it will start a fire. She does have some mysterious electrical issues going on, but for the most part things are safe. Right now it's fix the heat first then work on hiring an electrician.
So the next thing on the agenda is to have her sign the living will and the medical power of attorney. I'm going to file for disability and medicare as soon as I can. At least before she realizes what I'm doing and tries to stop me.
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