Decompensating

Well, despite my best attempts at keeping this current I seem to be falling behind.  I seem to be a few weeks behind in everything these days so I'm starting to not stress out as much as I used to about it.  That could be  a good thing.  Maybe it means I'm maturing in a way.  Maybe it just means the crushing weight of everything going on has just started to numb me.

This past week has been rough.  Temperatures are unseasonably cold for our corner of the world and mom's heat still isn't fixed.  We have someone who can fix it, but working out the particulars is taking a bit of time.  The hope is that by the beginning of next week she'll have heat.  I've set up a lot of space heaters, but mom keeps turning them off and then complaining she's cold.  I finally had to say she either leaves them alone or she's going to the hospital.  I hate to threaten her like that, but it's the truth.  Not being able to take care of her basic needs because of her mental state is one of the few things you can have someone involuntarily committed for.  Danger to herself or others are the only other ways to have the CSB help out with a temporary hospitalization.

I thought my mother had been doing well and seem to be stabilizing.  I had her stay at my house last week because of the cold and I was happy she seemed well enough to function in my home, unlike last time. I took her to her appointment with her psychiatrist on Thursday.  The doctor and I were talking about lowering the dose of Halodol.  I was encouraged that he felt she was doing well enough to lower the dose.  And then my mother started talking about a little gnome that was sneaking in her bedroom at night and knotting up her hair.  He quickly changed course and said keep the dose the same, but we may need to talk about different drugs, but only if her primary can follow her.  Then in the nurse's office waiting for her shot she mentioned  euthanasia had started up across the street again.  If you remember she was arrested for attempted abduction last summer.  She felt she was saving the kids from euthanasia.  Now she was saying the government was paying Gloria $40 each to euthanize kids and place them in gray trash bags and leave them at the curb for pickup.    The neighbor across the street hired someone to rake his leaves and he was using gray trash bags so I think that's where that delusion came from. 

Tonight my sister called to tell me my mother said I was going to kill her if she turned off the heat or if something was out of place.  I guess my persuasion backfired.  Since I have the financial POA she is seeing me as a threat. 

I'm thinking she will be hospitalized again very soon.  It's depressing, but I guess this is reality for now.  Wish I could escape like mom.  Maybe she's on to something.  But I guess if she were really on to something she wouldn't be looking at spending Christmas in a psyche ward.