Well it's been a long while since I was able to post and a lot has happened. I've found myself running from one place to the next trying to help my mom with all her needs and somehow meet the needs of those around me as well. I feel like I'm falling far short of my goal. It seems like the more I do the more things there are to fail.
I came to the decision to not coach soccer anymore. I really loved the girls, but the adults were a bit too difficult to deal with. And since my daughter does not seem interested in playing anymore it made the decision easier to make. I will miss it, though. But it was one thing I felt I wasn't great at doing. That gives me an unfinished feeling that I hate.
So in the past few months my mother has been through a roller coaster of health. She seems fine some days, but other days I wonder if I should put her back in the hospital. It seems the most simple acts are impossible for her these days. She desperately wants to stay in her home as long as possible and remain independent, but I feel she is past her ability to take care of herself to really any extent. I'm predicting she will be in an assisted living facility within the year.
We hired an aide to come in 3 days a week to help mom with bathing, cleaning and medication. The first one was a disaster. The second one was better, but since the company who hired her failed to provide her with instructions and also failed to notify us of the change she was flying blind the first two weeks. We hired the aide to help my sister and I out and give us a break as far as caretaking. Some days I feel it just causes more stress because there is always a concern about what the aide is doing there.
The bigger concern now is that my mom often refuses to eat enough, drink enough, visit the facilities enough or allow anyone else to help her with those things. There are many times when I visit I find her so dehydrated I consider taking her to the hospital. After forcing a bottle of water in her she usually seems better right away. It's amazing to me that she wouldn't do those basic things she needs to do for her health. I ask her why and she often says she's worried about bladder control. She often refuses to use the restroom and I feel most of her bladder issues stem from that. She won't let the aide bathe her so from time to time my sister or I will force her to wash. I hate doing that at her house so whenever we are at an appointment or for some other reason at my house I throw her in the shower. She hates it, but I just ignore her complaints and get her clean. I try my hardest to respect her privacy, but she does need to get clean.
But one good thing happened. My mother finally signed the financial Power of Attorney. That has taken a huge weight off the family's shoulders. I was able to have my brother come in and fix a permanently clogged kitchen sink. She had threatened to call the police on him (like she did to my sister) and try to get him arrested so he was too scared to help out in her house for fear he would end up in jail and lose his security clearance. With the POA giving me the right to hire people for repairs in her house it gave him enough protection to complete the work. She spent the day at my house just in case though. I'm in the process of trying to find someone to fix the ductwork under her house so that we can get her heat working. It unfortunately collapsed and blocked the remaining ducts enough the heat shuts down after a few minutes. It's been slow getting someone out there and with temperatures heading down I worry about her in that house. She has several space heaters, but refuses to turn them on for fear it will start a fire. She does have some mysterious electrical issues going on, but for the most part things are safe. Right now it's fix the heat first then work on hiring an electrician.
So the next thing on the agenda is to have her sign the living will and the medical power of attorney. I'm going to file for disability and medicare as soon as I can. At least before she realizes what I'm doing and tries to stop me.
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