Today was the day to meet with the Senior Services Ombudsman and the director, director of nursing and one of the Med-Techs at my mother's assisted living facility. I have to say I feel it went better than I expected. The ombudsman was awesome and really helpful. I have no idea how we could have done this without him.
I stated my case to everyone and it seems that even though I felt I was informing them there was a problem they did not listen to me at all. It was only when my sister went up to the facility 4 days after I informed them of the problem they claim was the first they knew about the situation. I pointed out that everytime I've tried talking with them about anything recently they have seemed distracted and have made me feel dismissed. I guess that's because they were distracted and were dismissing me. And here I thought it might be all in my head.
Funny I spent the first 20 years of my life trying to become invisible. Now I'm fighting for people to notice and listen to me. Hmmmm. I guess I'm hard to please.
I think what helped me the most was that I started tracking the days I was visiting my mother or taking care of things for her. I primarily started that (and made one for my sister) to keep track of mileage and appointments, but it has become invaluable now because I can write on it what happened at each visit. When I was able to tell them how many times I was physically in their facility during the time period in question, what days I came in to talk about medications and when I delivered medications or needed supplies that helped make my case credible. We pointed out some huge holes in their communication and have come away with a plan which I hope will work. I really would hate to move my mother from this facility, but if these changes aren't made I see no other option.
Today the agreement was...
They will contact me if my mother refuses any medication.
They will make they give me a 10 day notice before her medications run out.
Any falls will be documented (as some have not been)
They will be better about communicating with each other and with us.
I will make appointments when I need to talk with them (I'm concerned about this given I often need to speak with them just after a medical appointment and never know when I will need to speak with them until the appointment is over. But I was told I can send an email and the director will receive it on her phone and will be able to accommodate me quickly. Here's hoping).
The Ombudsman will go back to the facility to make sure they are compliant with the plan and we will meet again in a month to see how things are going. My sister brought up that if there are problems with our mother's meds the facility should really be checking every resident's sheets to make sure they handling those appropriately Initially the directors were resistant, but the ombudsman said the expectation is that a problem has been brought to their attention and they are expected to implement the fixes facility wide.
Here's hoping in a month it's nothing but sunshine and rainbows again there.
And my mother is doing better today. She was still very delusional and agitated, but improved over the previous week when I picked her up. After her appointment she received her Haldol shot. About 30 minutes after that shot, she was smiling, the shakes had gone away and she was a million percent better. Here's hoping she doesn't start to tank as the shot wears off again. I guess if she does we know she can't handle 4 week intervals. And the doctor assured me that the issue with her Celexa (the drug she missed at least 9 times) wasn't causing the present issue. I'm not sure if I buy that completely, but at least it made me less worried about it.
I've been told many times that people have never seen such active family members when it comes to caring for a mentally ill or aging loved one. I find that sad, but understandable. This has caused me so much stress. I feel like it is chipping away at me. But since it hasn't destroyed me in 36 years of fighting that must mean I'm made of tougher stuff than schizophrenia is. My mother's illness has taught me to fight for what I believe in, so in some ways I should thank it, although I would really really rather not.
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